I played Castlevania III for the first time the other day and, while I really liked some of the mechanics like switching between characters with different abilities, I had a ridiculously hard time getting through the levels. Stairs. Stairs in Castlevania III were¬†fraught with danger for me. I just couldn’t grasp that I had to press down every time I came to a staircase and not just keep pressing forward in the direction I was moving and in which the staircase was leading. If you fail at this like I did, then the unforgiving gravity pulls you straight to death.

I told my friends, who had beaten the game and were holding their own against Medusa heads, skeletons, and even the evil staircases, that all Dracula would really have to do was surround him self with said stairs and no one would ever get to him. I think the real hero of this story would be a building contractor that would work his way through the castle and bringing the stairs up to code.

Until I make this game myself this is a picture of how I think the Lord of the Damned should create his next castle so he can safely watch Sex in the City from atop his fortress of doom and stairs.

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